4 months after I was born, my mom went back to University to get her degree. I'm her third child.
She left me and my siblings with our Dad and paternal grandma and came home only weekends for three years until she finished her degree. She left 3 under-5 and went to pursue her career.
At 28, she was doing her NYSC and pregnant with her 4th child.
At 40, she already had her master's degree.
She has been a civil servant since 1993.
Now, at 61, she is at the peak of her career. A level 17 officer, Permanent Secretary grade.
(Edit - Note: in 2023, Delta State increased retirement age from 60 to 65.)
My aunty who was my mother's secondary mate and got married same year my mother got married, didn't continue with her education like my mom did. She had three children and tried to go back in her 40s when her last child was in secondary school, but she was only able to acquire tc2 (or whatever they call it).
At the long run.
My mom raised four successful biological children.
My aunty raised three successful biological children.
No, my aunty's children did NOT turn out better just because she gave up career and dreams to raise them.
If you are measuring success based on wealth and quality and level of education, we are far ahead.
There are no studies, research or statistics that indicate that children of stay-at-home mothers do better.
If I could be asked to choose between an illiterate mother who stayed at home throughout my childhood and gave up career just to watch me VERSUS my mother who is a top/senior civil servant at the peak of her career, a boss in the office and boss at home, I would DEFINITELY choose the latter, and I'm glad that the latter is my reality.
My father told me that he had opportunity to travel to the US or UK when I was just four. He was to travel there for research and enroute into becoming a university lecturer/professor. But he turned down the opportunity because he wanted to be there to watch his children grow every minute.
Do you know what I told him?
I told him that he should have gone. Some of my siblings also told him he should have gone. Imagine the children he stayed for telling him that he should have gone.
My father's colleague who also got same offer went and came back for his family one year later. So, I told my father that leaving his family for a year or two would have been a worthwhile sacrifice to pay for a better future. He should have gone and come back for us a year or two later.
My father was a very successful man, more educated than my mother and also got to the peak of his career, but not half as successful as he would have been if he had taken some risks, including leaving his children for a year or two.
Why am I writing all these?
For those women who abandon their dreams, careers and aspirations because of their children.
Someday, your children who you abandoned your career for will ask you WHY? They will tell you that you should have pursued your career.
Like I said, my father sacrificed career progression for us his children.
My mother did NOT sacrifice career pursuit for anybody.
While I understand the sacrifice my father made, as a grown adult, I still think my mother made the better choice.
So, my dear women/mothers, I can tell you that at the long run, your children would be most proud of you if you pursue your career and achieve great career heights.
I went back to full-time studies January to December 2024. I had my daughter in-between in April 2024. I got an extra degree and with that, I'm applying for jobs and negotiating salaries more than twice my salary in my last job.
It wasn't easy doing that while nursing a baby, but I did it.
My children would grow up seeing a strong mommy who didn't abandon her dreams. I want my daughter to know that she should never abandon her dream or chosen career for any reason or anyone.
I don't want my children to ask me WHY?
It's not easy combining academic/career and family. But nothing good comes too easily. Just do your best within your power and the opportunity and resources available to you.
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4 months after I was born, my mom went back to University to get her degree. I'm her third child.
She left me and my siblings with our Dad and paternal grandma and came home only weekends for three years until she finished her degree. She left 3 under-5 and went to pursue her career.
At 28, she was doing her NYSC and pregnant with her 4th child.
At 40, she already had her master's degree.
She has been a civil servant since 1993.
Now, at 61, she is at the peak of her career. A level 17 officer, Permanent Secretary grade.
(Edit - Note: in 2023, Delta State increased retirement age from 60 to 65.)
My aunty who was my mother's secondary mate and got married same year my mother got married, didn't continue with her education like my mom did. She had three children and tried to go back in her 40s when her last child was in secondary school, but she was only able to acquire tc2 (or whatever they call it).
At the long run.
My mom raised four successful biological children.
My aunty raised three successful biological children.
No, my aunty's children did NOT turn out better just because she gave up career and dreams to raise them.
If you are measuring success based on wealth and quality and level of education, we are far ahead.
There are no studies, research or statistics that indicate that children of stay-at-home mothers do better.
If I could be asked to choose between an illiterate mother who stayed at home throughout my childhood and gave up career just to watch me VERSUS my mother who is a top/senior civil servant at the peak of her career, a boss in the office and boss at home, I would DEFINITELY choose the latter, and I'm glad that the latter is my reality.
My father told me that he had opportunity to travel to the US or UK when I was just four. He was to travel there for research and enroute into becoming a university lecturer/professor. But he turned down the opportunity because he wanted to be there to watch his children grow every minute.
Do you know what I told him?
I told him that he should have gone. Some of my siblings also told him he should have gone. Imagine the children he stayed for telling him that he should have gone.
My father's colleague who also got same offer went and came back for his family one year later. So, I told my father that leaving his family for a year or two would have been a worthwhile sacrifice to pay for a better future. He should have gone and come back for us a year or two later.
My father was a very successful man, more educated than my mother and also got to the peak of his career, but not half as successful as he would have been if he had taken some risks, including leaving his children for a year or two.
Why am I writing all these?
For those women who abandon their dreams, careers and aspirations because of their children.
Someday, your children who you abandoned your career for will ask you WHY? They will tell you that you should have pursued your career.
Like I said, my father sacrificed career progression for us his children.
My mother did NOT sacrifice career pursuit for anybody.
While I understand the sacrifice my father made, as a grown adult, I still think my mother made the better choice.
So, my dear women/mothers, I can tell you that at the long run, your children would be most proud of you if you pursue your career and achieve great career heights.
I went back to full-time studies January to December 2024. I had my daughter in-between in April 2024. I got an extra degree and with that, I'm applying for jobs and negotiating salaries more than twice my salary in my last job.
It wasn't easy doing that while nursing a baby, but I did it.
My children would grow up seeing a strong mommy who didn't abandon her dreams. I want my daughter to know that she should never abandon her dream or chosen career for any reason or anyone.
I don't want my children to ask me WHY?
It's not easy combining academic/career and family. But nothing good comes too easily. Just do your best within your power and the opportunity and resources available to you.
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